two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
