I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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