all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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