He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
