I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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