Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it's like iHOP with fire
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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