So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
