I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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