Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
