that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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