you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
