I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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