don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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