i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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