A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
