If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
