she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
