You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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