I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
