Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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