I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
