Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
