I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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