There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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