He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
