hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
