FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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