I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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