Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
