Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love you.
Bad choice
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
