took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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