well you can't waste a boner
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
