You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
