He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
being pregnant is like rehab
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
