and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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