I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
