I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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