the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
