my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
