Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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