he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i will never coherently bang her
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
