I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
