Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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