Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
