Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
