Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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