You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
