I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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