I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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