I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
