he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize