I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
