Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
