from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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