remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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