If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
