It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
