I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm getting married
To pizza
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
