Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
