Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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