Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
