I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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