did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
