I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
