im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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