Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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