Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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