Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My pussy is not your playground.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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