That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Rumble strips road head = magical
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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