I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
