So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
