I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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