i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
